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It's Not Difficult to Make a Woman Happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes
IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes
HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Get naked
2. Bring food

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Thank You Gordon Parks

Yesterday I got an e-mail and friend request from a very strange guy on Myspace. After reading his very complimentary e-mail I decided I should friend him, so I did. Boy am I glad I did. He and I started talking about art and he introduced me to an artist by the name of Gordon Parks. So, I was intrigued by this man and Googled him. (the artist, not the strange guy)

I'm so excited about him. Here's why. I read this quote from him and thought it fit my kids perfectly.

"Those people who want to use a camera should have something in mind, there's something they want to show, something they want to say...," Parks explains. "I picked up a camera because it was my choice of weapons against what I hated most about the universe: racism, intolerance, poverty. I could have just as easily picked up a knife or a gun, like many of my childhood friends did... most of whom were murdered or put in prison... but I chose not to go that way. I felt that I could somehow subdue these evils by doing something beautiful that people recognize me by, and thus make a whole different life for myself, which has proved to be so."

I got so excited when I read that. Actually, contemplative I guess should really say. That quote just really fits my kids. I mean, they are experiencing the kind of environment Parks grew up in. They are having to make conscious choices every day about whether or not they want to condone and participate in the violence of their culture or whether they want to take a higher path and become something better than what is expected of them.

So, this quote made me excited about teaching these kids again.

Now I have the task of putting all this information together and creating something usable with 7th graders.

I Got A Confession

Okay...so I blogged earlier about some kids stealing stuff out of my desk. So, when they got in the room I had the whole thing set up for 'em. I put out enyclopedias and their journals in seats around the room. When they came in and asked if they could go get a drink of water (usual for them so they can go see who is in the hall) I said no. They were like, "Ms. Pate, you mad?" I said, "Hmmm what have you heard?" You see...I went to their lunch period today and talked with their principal. I was using a loud enough to be heard nearby voice and said, "Mr. Daniel's, some kids in my art class stole some money and candy from my desk yesterday." "Really Ms. Pate? Well, do you know who did it?" "Well Mr. Daniels, I have a pretty good idea." I said as I stared the two down who I knew did it. They were staring at me with these big ole scared eyes, so I knew they were caught. LOL Mr. Daniels says, "Well, you just let me know and we'll deal with it. We can't be letting that happen." "Yes sir, thank you and I'll get back to you before the end of the day."
*evil laugh*
So, the kids come in the room and everything is all set up. They know what is going on so they just graon and open the books. I stand in front of the room and say:

Okay, put everything down and look at me because I have something to say. Some of you asked me if I was mad? Well, I'm passed mad. Now I'm sad. I'm sad because I trusted you. Do you know what trust is? (someone answers) That's right. And I trusted you all to be more mature and respectful than to go into my desk and steal something from it. Ya know, I thought we had a pretty good relationship. I let you guys have some free time every now and then and you guys let me get stuff done, usually. But, I guess I can't be doing that anymore. I guess now I have to treat you like I do the Kindergarten kids and hover over you and have something for you to do the entire time you're in here. No more funtimes, listening to music and watching videos. I'm so dissapointed in you I could cry. I'm sickened by the fact that you would do something like that to me. ME...the teacher who respects you and treats you like kids who are capable of being trusted. But I see now that I was wrong. So....on that note, we are going to be copying sentences word for word from these encyclopedias for the rest of the year....or at least until someone makes a real confession. So hop to it while I fill out some stupid report that tells Coach Starkey how I was so stupid to trust a group of 7th graders, that he already said couldn't be trusted.

Two minutes into filling out my report (which I actually did have to fill out) one of my boys (whom I have had trouble with for sexually harrassing me) asks me if he can talk to me. We go out into the hallway and he confesses everything!!!!

I walked into the principal's office, waited for him to acknowledge me and began dancing about, waving my report and telling him I got a confession!!

The literacy coach said, "Ya know Wendy, I don't think I ever want to see that dance again....but it was good for a laugh."

I love my job sometimes.

The Little Shits!!!

My 7th graders stole my candy and soda money out of my desk yesterday!!!! I can not believe this!!! They came into my desk without asking and stole stuff....the candy I don't care about so much....but they stole freakin' money!!!!!!!! It was just a dollar and some change, but that was my soda money!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm so mad because I trusted these kids. OH HELL NO!! No more fun times for them. They are about to get Starkified!!!!

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Crap Happens in Weiner

I don't know if you guys from Weiner have heard this yet or not, but some bad stuff happened this weekend in Weiner. Here's the news report I got in my mailbox today....

April 15, 2007--Posted at 9:35 pm CDT

Weiner- A Poinsett County man is in critical condition in the Med at Memephis after being shot in the head.

Sheriff's detectives say it happened during a fight just outside of Weiner around 2:00 a.m. Police are trying to sort out exactly what took place.

Poinsett county sheriff's detectives say 17 people - ranging in age from 15 to 26 got into an all out brawl.

It's unclear exactly who started the fight, but witnesses tell K-8 News that it involved a group from Harrisburg and one from Weiner.

Detective Mark Robinson says this is rare because the fight quickly got out of hand. A number of cars were damaged using everything from a crowbar to the cover off of the water meter.

A 15 year old was beaten and taken to the hospital. When it was over, 18 year old Aaron Davis had been shot in the head.

Robinson says they're not releasing the name of the shooter unless he's charged. Davis may have been shot in self defense. The shooting is under investigation at this time.




Apparently, Chase Fowler shot this guy because he was breaking into Chase's moms house while Chase and some other kids were there after Prom. My mom has been on the phone all day finding out the details. I've got more if anyone wants to know. I just thought you guys that are from Weiner might have a bit more insight than me.

This is What Happens When I am Bored

This is what happens when I am bored on a Sunday morning and Libby is still asleep....
heya, you gotta look at this delicious webpage for building your very own south park cartoon
Me, if I lived in Southpark and had a crush on Cartman.

Click here to make one
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Big, Big Love

So, I ordered my first book from Amazon.com. I did not realize that, unless I did the whole 2 day shipping thing, it would take them a freakin' month to get my book to me.
Okay, now on to what I ordered. With a little background of course.

As many of you may or may not know, Mike and I broke up two weeks ago today. He was a compulsive gambler and he let it eat him alive. He was a wonderful boyfriend until the poker and his losing streak took over his mind and he got...well...stupid to say the least. So, I got rid of him. For details, find me later...anyway...on with the story....

I am now faced with, what seems to be a chronic state in my world, the single life. Now, being fat and a single mom are two strikes against me already, so I've decided to stop all the looking and pining and feeling all desperate and lonely and just face it. My friend Chris (who lives in Arizona, some of you may know of him)has been by my side through everything...from meeting my stupid ex-fiance, to marrying the insane ex-husband, and now to getting through the mental state that Mike left me in. So, he is coming down at the end of this month to see me. And, as always...we will hold ourselves up in my apartment, turn off the phones and have no contact with anyone but us and perhaps the guy in the drive thru window at the liquor store. So, having been involuntarily abstinent for a little over a month now, I've decided I needed some inspiration. Since I don't seem to be getting any smaller,(I say as I open another "fun size" mounds bar) I decided to look up sex for fat people.

This would be a great place for a cut, but seeing as how I don't know how to do one, skip down to the next blog on your friend's page or suffer.....

I found www.sexuality.org. This was a great website that offered some VERY doable advice, which I, of course passed along to Chris. Being a male, he approved whole heartedly. Then, as I was reading a forum post on bigfatblog.com (thank you Hillary for that little nugget of wonderful) I found out about an author named Hanne Blank. She writes erotica for "every shape and size." She also wrote a how-to book of sorts for fat people called "Big, Big Love". I hopped my happy arse on over to amazon.com and bought a copy. HOWEVER, it will not arrive until well after Chris has come and gone because, stupid little me didn't realize that standard shipping meant they used the Pony Express to get the darn thing to me. *headdesk, headdesk*.

If anyone has a copy or has read a copy of this book, would you please let me know if it is worth asking Chris to postpone his trip until after the arrival of this book?

Just in Time for St. Patrick's Day.....

I have a green brain!!!!

Your Brain is Green

Of all the brain types, yours has the most balance.
You are able to see all sides to most problems and are a good problem solver.
You need time to work out your thoughts, but you don't get stuck in bad thinking patterns.

You tend to spend a lot of time thinking about the future, philosophy, and relationships (both personal and intellectual).

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